Who's in the Spotlight?

If you want to host a good party, don't spend the entire evening talking about yourself.

This is a fairly intuitive piece of social etiquette, isn't it? The quickest way to lose a person's interest is to spend an entire conversation focused on you.

On the contrary, a good conversationalist listens. He inquires about the other person. He finds ways to allow his conversation partner to open up about her life, rather than focusing completely on his own. And especially if he's a good host, he'll find ways to place attention on his conversation partner - to bestow praise on her - rather on himself.

This leaves a better impression than any amount of self-promotion.

Some marketers, however, seem to leave their social sense at the door when they come to work. They seem to want their brand to dominate every conversation they have with customers - to use every possible minute to talk about themselves.

What an obnoxious way to bore customers.

Instead, other marketers find ways to shift the focus to the customers. Good marketers (and good salespeople) have been doing this for years - taking time to inquire about and discover an individual customer's needs before recommending a solution; proactively gathering customer feedback; listening to customers as they talk about their experiences and frustrations.

And marketers seem to be relearning their manners more and more as they engage the social sphere online.

Brands are learning to use Twitter to not only promote themselves, but to listen to customers. Some, like TOMS, for one, barely talk about themselves at all on Twitter; they focus primarily on listening and responding.

Brands are learning to use Facebook to put customers in the spotlight, rather than themselves. They invite customers to post photos and comments - and receive recognition - surrounding a common theme or topic, as with Dunkin' Donuts recent "Chance for STARDDOM" contest. (Facebook fans were invited to post photos of themselves and an explanation of what makes them the biggest Dunkin' Donuts coffee fan. Other Facebook viewers vote to select the winner.)

And some brands use social media to help them kick it old school, hosting actual, real-live, in-the-flesh events. Frontier Texas!, an interactive history museum in Abilene, Texas, is using Facebook to garner entries for its "Miss Frontier Texas" scholarship competition - a chance for young women (a segment of their customers) to receive scholarship dollars by completing tasks formerly required on the wild frontier.

So, marketers, how are you treating your customers in your conversations? If your brand were hosting a party, would anyone come? And more tellingly, would anyone stay?